Stop the Beardness

It's should be over. For God's sake, the New York Times said it was trendy in 2006, so why are we still seeing these crusty-looking beards on 25-year-olds? Tonight, while I was walking home, a man emerged from my alley holding what looked like a bunched-up plastic bag. He was wearing a hunter's cap with earflaps, wrinkled work pants, a flannel shirt, and had a long, matted beard. Another beard-core hipster, I thought to myself, and stared at him a little too long. "Hiyah sweetie, " he mumbled. He looked a little unsteady. I could then see that he had a Forty in the bag, and was probably closer to 50 than 25. Just an ordinary neighborhood drunk, unaware that he looked trendy.